10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Wine
It’s all about wine. Not this column, but seemingly everything else. Wine seminars, wine tasting events, winery tours- wining is rampant. The Vancouver Playhouse International Wine Festival went on for 7 straight days! Event after event revolving around wine, many of them sold out immediately upon release of the tickets. Which leads us to the obvious question: Have these people never heard of beer?
As beverages go, wine is okay. But if you think about it logically, beer truly has many advantages over that fermented grape beverage. And in order to help you think about this logically, I give you the following reasons as to why beer is better than wine:
- On a hot day, after mowing the lawn, do you really crave an ice-cold wine? No. You want an ice-cold beer- and dammit, you should have one.
- You can get a bottle of imported beer- tasty, nuanced, flavorful, the recipe refined over hundreds of years- for between 5 and 10 dollars. In some cases less. Wine in the same price range? Tooth staining plonk.
- With beer, you don’t have to read the asinine, self-centered “tasting notes” and food pairings on the back of the bottle: “This inky black Cabernet Fred brings a floral bouquet on the nose initially and follows through with flavors of Slovenian plums, tempered by notes of star fruit and hints of Northern Ugandan oak. Pairs well with panko crusted braised platypus livers, imported lawn weeds, and obscure cheeses that you have never heard of.”
- Beer commercials: excellent. Wine commercials: do they make wine commercials?
- Although I am not a huge fan of either beverage, you know that if it came down to it in a street fight the Budweiser Clydesdales would hand the Yellowtail Kangaroos their asses.
- The history of brewing can be dated back to the 6th century B.C. One of the earliest surviving examples of writing is a Sumerian tablet from about 2050 B.C., a receipt for “best beer”. You want a beverage steeped in history and tradition? You want beer.
- The song is “One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer”, not “One Bourbon, One Scotch and a Half-Carafe of Good Valpolicella”. Why? Because beer is better. And no one can rhyme “Valpolicella”. Which brings us to number 8:
- I can not off the top of my head think of a single “wine drinking song”, but references to beer crop up in numerous songs- it would appear that the musical muse responds better to a couple o’ brew.
- To pick a special wine you do some on-line research, choose a few likely candidates, consult with your local wine merchant and make a choice. In 5 to 10 years you can be drinking that vino in its prime. To pick a special beer you do some on-line research, choose a few likely candidates, consult with your local beer merchant and make a choice. In 5 to 10 minutes you can be drinking that brew in its prime. Seriously, any questions?
- In the beer making process, at no point does anyone step on the ingredients with their bare feet.